26 Feb 2011
PILLARS OF SUPPORT / Putting life on hold for sis
A caregiver’s life is silently heroic, and SingHealth has decided for the first time to honour them.
On Tuesday, SingHealth will give Inspirational Caregiver awards to 17 of them – some of them parents, children or siblings, and others, maids.
Professor Tan Ser Kiat, group chief executive of SingHealth, says: “It is important to recognise caregivers for their dedication to improve the health of their loved ones. Their selflessness has inspired hospital staff and the wider community.”
The caregivers – and 20 model patients – were nominated by hospital staff from SingHealth’s three hospitals, five institutions and nine polytechnics. Each will receive $250 in shopping vouchers at an award ceremony at the Health Promotion Board.
Last year, SingHealth honoured three model patients in its inaugural awards. Lee Siew Hua reports.
MOST women at 28 dream of marriage and babies or give their all to craft a sparkling resume. But Miss Sharon Sia has put her future on hold indefinitely.
She cares full-time for her sister, Jin Zhu, 14, who has muscular dystrophy.
“My father wanted another child to fill the home with more laughter,” she says. But the laughter ended with the birth of her little sister, who was born with the disorder that causes her muscles to waste away. Her mum could not stand the stares from strangers and the stress of caregiving. She left home repeatedly.
She instructed Miss Sia to return home after school each day to do chores, so the teen did not take up any co-curricular activities. She later got a place at Singapore Polytechnic to study mechanical engineering, but switched to an accounting unit at the Institute of Technical Education (ITE) as the lighter assignments freed her to care for her disabled sister.
Graduating three years later, she took full responsibility for her sister while her mum re-entered the workforce. The 51-year old is now a Sentosa service staff. Then 19, Miss Sia wanted to work too, but realised that her mother had reached breaking point. So she stayed home to take charge of every aspect of her sister’s care.
“I was forced to grow up very fast,” she says, quipping darkly that caregiving is a “7-Eleven” grind of long hours with no relief even if she fell ill.
She intensified her caregiving role when Jin Zhu, who has normal IQ, started school.
“Her results were borderline. She couldn’t mingle. Psychologically, she was hurt and bored,” she recounts. Determined to lift her sister’s scores and spirits, she sat in class and copied notes for her.
“I asked her to listen, to use her brain.”
Even at midnight, she was drilling her sister. “I recapped chapters and looked at new lessons. I wanted her to be fast enough to answer questions.”
Then in a startling moment, Miss Sia discloses that in primary school “Jin Zhu endured a lot of beating from me”.
Her tough love yielded a PSLE aggregate score of 220. Now in Secondary 2 at Sembawang Secondary School, Jin Zhu is wheeled to classes only two or three times a week as she tires easily. On the other days, Miss Sia tutors her at home, synchronising lessons with each teacher.
Miss Sia is not book-obsessed, however. She tries to give her sister a high quality of life though they paid a heavy price after a day of manic rides at Universal Studios recently. Jin Zhu was hospitalised with high fever and now has to be tube-fed.
But Miss Sia has always taught her sister fortitude. This has sustained Jin Zhu through illness and their parents’ divorce in 2008. Their elder brother left home with their father, a workshop supervisor.
Miss Sia has learnt character lessons from her sibling too. “You make porridge for her, a small action, and she is very contented. She taught me to slow down. Now I tend to empathise and look at the big picture.”
Yet, her future is a blank.
“There is no joy – I was forced into responsibilities,” she says, eyes reddening. “I have no achievements in this life. When my sister passes on, it will be tough to have a career at 40. I will not be choosy, even if I am a dishwasher.”
Those with muscular dystrophy often do not live beyond their 30s or 40s.
Miss Sia dated during her ITE days, but was too weary for romance. “I ended it very quickly,” she says. She has few friends, but seeks advice from senior sleep technologist Lim Mei Lan, 37, who treated Jin Zhu for breathing difficulties at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital.
Says Miss Lim, who nominated her as an Inspirational Caregiver: “Sharon should continue to upgrade herself academically to be employable. She has given much of herself – I see a need for her to receive more so her situation will be balanced.”
“I have no achievements in this life. When my sister passes on, it will be tough to have a career at 40.”
Miss Sharon Sia (above) with her sister Jin Zhu, who suffers from muscular dystrophy
PILLARS OF SUPPORT / Helper with a big heart
A caregiver’s life is silently heroic, and SingHealth has decided for the first time to honour them.
On Tuesday, SingHealth will give Inspirational Caregiver awards to 17 of them – some of them parents, children or siblings, and others, maids.
Professor Tan Ser Kiat, group chief executive of SingHealth, says: “It is important to recognise caregivers for their dedication to improve the health of their loved ones. Their selflessness has inspired hospital staff and the wider community.”
The caregivers – and 20 model patients – were nominated by hospital staff from SingHealth’s three hospitals, five institutions and nine polytechnics. Each will receive $250 in shopping vouchers at an award ceremony at the Health Promotion Board.
Last year, SingHealth honoured three model patients in its inaugural awards. Lee Siew Hua reports.
FILIPINO domestic helper Belinda Layson Malate, 45, willingly extended her contract to care for her stroke-stricken employer, even though she dearly misses her four children.
She has now spent three years caring for Madam Chew Swe E, 67, a retired statistical assistant who is bedridden and unable to speak.
Ms Malate learnt how to massage from books and observed therapists to give the best care to the elderly woman, who also has Parkinson’s disease.
That is because she regards Madam Chew and her husband Lau Chiang Sek, 68, a Manpower Ministry clerk, as family. The couple have three children who are married and two grandsons.
Ms Malate said: “They treat me like family, so my heart is already in my work.” Indeed, Madam Chew, who could still speak one year ago, would ask her affectionately: “Can you be my daughter?”
The maid remembers the earlier days, when their bonds were firmly forged over the minutiae of life.
When Madam Chew was still mobile, they would walk in the park or linger at Sheng Siong supermarket. The loyal helper has also been included in family holidays to Batam and Ipoh.
Most mornings now, the five-room Chai Chee flat is filled with karaoke singing. Ms Malate may croon songs by Teresa Teng to light up her employer’s day. Later, she lets Madam Chew listen to Mandarin sermons supplied by a Christian relative.
Then there are three or four massages a day. Reeling off the benefits of the skilled human touch, Ms Malate said: “It helps the patient to swallow. It is relaxing from head to toe. Good for blood circulation; relieves pain. It is like caring and loving a person.”
In her 11 years here, she has enrolled for nursing aide, computer and cosmetology courses on her own accord.
The former supervisor at a Manila garment factory does not even mind sacrificing her monthly day off if Madam Chew is not so well. “On days off, my mind is on her,” she says.
Besides being the primary caregiver – she manages basic needs from tube feeding to diaper changing in the middle of the night, and reminds the family to purchase medication – she cooks and cleans.
Yet she said: “I cannot feel stress. If you accept the job, you have the faith, the confidence and the heart to do it.”
Impressed with the Filipina’s big heart, Ms Tan Kog Kng, 36, a senior medical social worker at Changi General Hospital, nominated her for the inspirational caregiver award. “Belinda is both a caregiver and an advocate for Madam Chew and she treats her like her own mother,” Ms Tan observed.
“She keeps track of Madam Chew’s medical appointments and provides good and accurate feedback of new signs and symptoms. To stimulate Madam Chew and slow down her deterioration, Belinda sings to her and massages her regularly.”
As a close companion, Ms Malate can detect her employer’s worsening condition. “Sometimes I see pain on her face. I tell her to relax. The doctor says just give her a comfortable life. And I try my best.”
PILLARS OF SUPPORT / Life revolves around older stepbrother
A caregiver’s life is silently heroic, and SingHealth has decided for the first time to honour them.
On Tuesday, SingHealth will give Inspirational Caregiver awards to 17 of them – some of them parents, children or siblings, and others, maids.
Professor Tan Ser Kiat, group chief executive of SingHealth, says: “It is important to recognise caregivers for their dedication to improve the health of their loved ones. Their selflessness has inspired hospital staff and the wider community.”
The caregivers – and 20 model patients – were nominated by hospital staff from SingHealth’s three hospitals, five institutions and nine polytechnics. Each will receive $250 in shopping vouchers at an award ceremony at the Health Promotion Board.
Last year, SingHealth honoured three model patients in its inaugural awards. Lee Siew Hua reports.
MR RAVINDER Pathak, 49, has made lots of room in his heart and home for his 75-year-old stepbrother, Kalika, who is educationally subnormal.
For more than 20 years, he has cared for his older sibling, who also has a heart that functions at only 22 per cent. He relies on a walking frame, but often loses his balance. His vision is poor, and he speaks only a few Hindi and Malay words.
The bachelor has a loving home with Mr Pathak and his sister-in-law Nandini, 46, who has been cleaning up after him since she married.
Their daughter Priya, 23, and son Vighnesh, 20, also closely supervise their uncle, for he sometimes eats so fast that he chokes. When he was more mobile, he would wander from their four-room Tessensohn Road flat and gash himself falling down.
Mr Pathak, the youngest of five boys born to a watchman father who remarried after his first wife died during the Japanese Occupation, has arranged family life around his eldest brother. He takes the permanent afternoon shift as a senior staff nurse at the Singapore General Hospital, working from 12.45pm to 9.30pm or later. His wife works from 7am to 3pm as a 7-Eleven cashier.
He will not send his brother to a nursing home.
“He has grown very close to us. We understand his sign language, habits and mood swings. I don’t think a home can give him the same full attention and quality of care,” he reasons. “He will be very lonely.”
Mr Pathak’s daughter Priya, a first-year Singapore Management University student, discerns a tender heart in her uncle too.
“When my brother and I were kids, he gave us sweets,” she said. “Now, when he finds a balloon or ball outside, he still gives it to us.”
While the bonds are sweet, Mr Pathak plays the bad cop when required. For about a month in 2005, his brother refused to get out of bed.
“I had no choice but to carry him from a lying to sitting position. He was very angry, screaming and shouting.”
In his job, Mr Pathak has seen immobile patients develop bed sores and pneumonia. So he supervises his brother’s exercises, using a bar outside their flat and a ball.
“I had to be forceful, I am sorry to say,” remarks the reserved man.
While caring takes a physical, mental and financial toll – he dips into his Medisave account for his brother’s treatments – he searches for the silver lining.
His older brothers visit, and one of them cuts the elderly man’s hair and puts moisturiser on his legs.
Mr Pathak can also count on his experience. As a nurse, he has the skills and confidence for caregiving.
“As long as my family can care for him, we will,” he says resolutely.
Mr Pathak was nominated by National Heart Centre social work assistant Johnny Chua, 41, for the Inspirational Caregiver award.
“I don't think a home can give him the same full attention and quality of care.” A caregiver’s life is silently heroic, and SingHealth has decided for the first time to honour them.
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